Developing good organizational skills is key to success in school and in life. Habits often make or break us. Here's a list of strategies that you can use to help your child, maybe you'll even find something for yourself.
Make a list.
Help your child get into the habit of keeping a "to-do" list. Use checklists to post assignments, household chores, and reminders about what materials to take to class. Crossing completed items off the list will give him a sense of accomplishment.
Organize homework assignments.
Before beginning a homework session, encourage your child to number assignments in the order in which they should be done. Start with one that's not too long or difficult, and avoid the temptation to save the longest or hardest assignments for last.
Reserve a study space.
Your child should study in the same place every night. It doesn't have to be a bedroom, but it should be a quiet place with few distractions. The kitchen table while Mom is preparing dinner or the sofa in front of the TV are not top choices. School supplies should be immediately at hand. The reluctant student can spend a great deal of time "getting ready". If you can do so, be close at hand. You'll be better able to monitor his progress and encourage good study habits.
Set a study time.
Your child should know that a certain time every day is reserved for studying and doing homework. The best time is usually not right after school - most children benefit from time to unwind first. Include your child in this decision. Your child is more likely to accept the situation if he had a hand in making the decision as to when and where the study session will be. Study time should conclude with the repacking of the books and papers in the bookbag to be ready for the next school day.
Conduct a weekly clean-up.
Encourage your child to sort through book bags at least on a weekly basis. Youngsters can "forget" a world of information, sometimes conveniently so. Take the opportunity to check for any "missed" notes from the teacher.
Create a household schedule.
Try to establish and stick to a regular dinnertime and a regular bedtime. This will help your child fall into a pattern at home. Children with a regular bedtime go to school well-rested. Try to limit television-watching and computer play to specific periods of time during the day.
Keep a master calendar.
Keep a large, wall-sized calendar for the household that lists the family's commitments, schedules for extracurricular activities, days off from school, and major events at home and at school. Note dates when your child has big exams or due dates for projects. This will help family members keep track of each others activities and avoid scheduling conflicts.
Provide support while your child is learning
Being organized is a learned skill. Help you child with reminders when needed and praise for achievement. But most important, practice what you preach. Good examples go further than all the lectures (or praise) we can offer.
If this non-communication sounds painfully familiar. Here are some ideas to open up the conversational log jam.
Ask questions that require more than one-word answers.
"What did you read in class today?"
"Who did you play with during recess?"
"Tell me the best/funniest thing that happened today."
Start a list of names.
Start a list of names of friends and acquaintances of your child at the beginning of the school year and encourage you child to add to it regularly. Ask specific questions about the names on the list. Who sits next to him? Who does he play with? What does he think of the new boy he just met? If the list remains small, or he expresses strong dislike for some of the names he mentions, it could be a clue that all is not well.
Give your child time to unwind.
Most adults need time to relax after work. The same often applies to your child. Avoid jumping right in with questions about school the moment your kids are dismissed. Give your child time to get home, unwind, have a snack, and play with a pet or game. You might even want to wait until dinner.
Help your child develop conversation skills.
If you're not getting the answer you're looking for from your kids, it could be that their conversation skills need a little work. Helping kids practice the art of conversation will serve them well not only in making friends, but in business later in life.
Talk about your day.
Modeling for your kids the kind of information that you'd like to hear from them: "This is something I did today that I felt really good about. " "This is what I did today that was a little bit scary, but I did it, and it turned out OK." This can lead to discussions of your kids did today that was hard or fun.
Play a conversation game.
Children at this age have rich imaginations and love stories. Try turning school a story. Begin a story like "When I got to school today the first thing I saw was ______. Then I saw one of the students I knew. It was __________ and guess what he was doing? He was___________. We went into class and the teacher said '__________'." Have the child fill in the blanks.
If the conversation bogs down, try a little silliness. Take up the story yourself with something like.."so the teacher gave us each a porcupine and told us to put it on our head." After the giggling stops, you'll probably get a "corrected" account of the class activities. Continue until you get to the end of the day, or until you're satisfied that you've heard more than your child wants to volunteer. Know when to stop. Pushing too hard can make the child uncomfortable.
Get the story straight.
From time to time you'll hear things that concern or even alarm you about your child's day at school. Don't panic! The child may have misunderstood, omitted important details, or even fabricated part of the story if he is upset with the teacher or influenced by others. (That imagination is a two edged sword.) Don't fume! Ask the teacher! Generally, it's best to hold this conversation calmly with the child present. It can serve to demonstrate to the child how to settle misunderstanding peacefully or illustrate that you can not be manipulated into taking his side without first hearing what others have to say. Take your cue from the teacher. If he says the conversation should be conducted without the child, there is probably a good reason. On the other hand, if your child complains about being teased or picked on, repeats a complaint with regularity, or complains of frequent trips to the nurse, there may be a real problem. Calling the teacher is the best way to find out, and get your child the support he needs.
Your 3-year-old screams, "I HATE you mommy!" when you refuse to let her eat her Halloween candy before supper. At a family gathering, your 5-year-old calls his cousin a "poopie face". Or your 8-year-old pens a school paper describing a buttocks-baring Saturday Night Live TV comedy sketch.
What's normal?
Events such as these shock, discourage, and scare many parents, but don't assume that these indiscretions demonstrate that your kids haven't internalized your family values. These actions are not an indictment of your parenting. Your children are simply "being kids," using risque language and stories to gain some sense of power over confusing areas of their lives. They are also developing a sense of humor and testing your limits - all part of normal, healthy child development.
It's normal for an 8-year-old to think that a man's dropping his drawers on TV is hysterically funny. At eight, "gross out" and slightly sexualized "body parts" humor have replaced former bathroom humor. These stages of childhood humor are all part of how kids cope with their growing preoccupation regarding body parts and their functions.
What parents can do
Parents can acknowledge why their kids think that these types of things are funny. You can even admit that these things were funny to you when you were a kid.
Parents can also tell their kids that certain words and situations may be funny, while also reminding them that it's ill mannered to repeat these words and acts in public. Parents must also teach their children that humor should never hurt people's feelings.
Some things are out of your hands
Parents need to understand that they can't control everything their kids see, hear, and do: Kids may play violent video games at a neighbor's house, swear at their siblings, and play doctor with their cousin. How we respond to our children's encounters with these "taboos" will determine their healthy development in these areas.
Sex and the Media
Our kids are bombarded by suggestive and provocative messages in the media: sexually-exaggerated male and female action figures; detailed accounts of our newest "idol's" sexual affairs; and daily doses of Victoria's Secret lingerie commercials. As a result, today's children are asking questions about sex at a much younger age.
Before commenting upon or responding to a sexual topic, it's wise to find out what your child really knows about it. Armed with this baseline information, you'll know better how to present both simple, direct information and your values.
Back-to-school can present a struggles for both parents and children, particularly if the school is a new one. Few children are indifferent to the start of school. They either dread or look forward to a new school year largely depending on what they remember from last year. Here's what the experts suggest.
Kids will often take their cue from you. If you act overwhelmed, frantic about getting everything in order, your child may not understand why you're upset, but he'll almost certainly pick up on your tension and react accordingly. So it's important not to act too crazed about the return to school. Build in extra time, put irrelevant projects on hold, stay rested, and try to stick closer to your kids. Dads, in particular, need to listen. Many jobs pick up at this time of year, and it's easy to let the job take priority over the kids.
Visit before school begins. Most schools are open for parents and students just to visit and get a feel for the place before classes begin. Even if your child knows the school, it's been a while since he was here last. Getting reacquainted can help overcome a lot of anxiety. Call before you go to insure the trip isn't fruitless or that you don't come at an inopportune moment such as during a faculty meeting. Even if it means an extra trip, meet the teacher. This isn't just for your child's sake, but for yours as well. One of my favorite stories is about the teacher who sent home a note to parents saying "I promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home, if you promise not to believe everything he says happens at school." Children tend to feel comforted by seeing that parents and teachers agree on what's expected, and it's an excellent time to let the teacher know if there have been any recent trauma in the child life. What is trauma to a child? Anything from the loss of a favorite pet to the addition of a new sibling. The more information the teacher has and the sooner he has it, the better your child can be served.
Tempting as it may be to use the new school year as an opportunity to start fresh, too much change can make even the most cooperative child balk. Focus on the start of school, and revisit the other issues after your kids feel more settled.
Reassure your child. Youngsters can be surpris- ingly good at masking their fears. Tell your kids that they'll be fine, but encourage them to speak to you about any concerns they do have. If they express concerns listen, and don't minimize their fears. Their fears may be foolish to you, but they're very real to them. Encourage them to visit with school friends they may not have seen over the summer, especially if they'll be in class together. This can go a long way toward reducing feelings of isolation in the new class.
Many children have difficulty getting out of the summertime mood when school begins. The results can be that, by the time they do start to work, they feel they're too far behind to catch up and so they just give up.
To help children adjust faster Dr. Natalie Rathvon, author of The Unmotivated Child, makes these suggestions. "First and foremost, keep them reading." Informational reading is especially important because "fiction doesn't offer the general knowledge base or vocabulary needed to understand textbooks", but any kind of reading is valuable.
Even before school starts, talk with your child about the importance of daily homework, long-term projects, test preparation, parent involvement, etc., but "try not to communicate any anxiety. Project that you know they can do it. Focus on what worked well last year and how to make it even better."
Common problem: younger children creating a disturbance while the older ones are studying. Her solution: engage the young ones in quiet activities during homework time.
Nancy Samalin, director of Parents Guidance Workshop & author of Loving Your Child Is Not Enough: Positive Discipline That Works
Few blended families are as blissful as the Brady Bunch. In real life, remarriage is enormously stressful for parents, stepparents, and especially children. For kids, remarriage marks the end of the family they knew. The fantasy that Mom & Dad will reunite has been dashed. Expect kids to be upset. They must make major adjustments to new adults, stepsiblings, another home etc. A move means a new school, loss of old friends and the need for new ones.
Here are Dr. Samalin's suggestions:
1. Keep change to a minimum. Maintain contact with relatives, friends, and neighbors.
2. Encourage kids to express their emotions. Don't criticize, judge or attempt to talk them out of their feelings.
3. Hold weekly family meetings. Discuss problems. Listen to each other without interrupting. Ask children to suggest solutions to conflicts, such as sharing a room with a stepsibling or spending time with relatives on both sides of the family.
4. Settle differences with your ex in private. Never criticize him/her to your children. Keep anger or resentment to yourself. Don't use kids as ammunition or go-betweens.
5. Aim for consistent rules in all households yours and your ex-spouse's. Reach consensus on privileges, bedtime, chores, and homework.
6. Don't wimp out on discipline. Divorced parents who spend less time with their kids may tend to shirk enforcing appropriate limits. Remember, it's more important to be a child's parent than his buddy.
7. Make the biological parent the primary disciplinarian. The stepparent needs to play a supportive role, but defer to the biological parent whenever possible.
8. Don't expect to love your new stepchildren right away. They may not like you instantly either. This is normal.
9. Don't take attacks personally. If your stepchild says, "You're not my father/mother" instead of being hurt or getting defensive acknowledge the truth of the statement.
10. Give stepchildren time to get to know you. Expect some hostility. Kids naturally see you as a rival for your spouse's affection, or as an intruder who is trying to take their other parent's place.
11. Cultivate special activities and interests just for you and each stepchild. Time alone with a child can create a special bond that sets your relationship apart from his relationship with the biological parent.
12. Focus on the positive, such as what you appreciate about your stepchild. If conflict persists, you may want to seek family counseling.
They mean well. They mean to encourage us to try. And they're right, we should. But the statement can be very damaging to young people whether we mean it to be or not.
"If I can do it, you can." If that were true, I could jump like Michael Jordan. I would understand Einstein's theories. I would sing like Beverly Sills, or at least Brittany Spears, and our husbands would know the "joy" of pregnancy.
Do I overstate the case? Perhaps. But is it any more of an overstatement than the idea that regardless of size, IQ, interest, and a thousand other variables simply because I have a talent or ability you must have that same talent?
Instead of saying, "if I can do it, you can", perhaps we should be saying, "this is my special talent, do you know what yours is?"
Encouragement should take the form of giving us the opportunity to try without making us feel that we have failed because we cannot measure up to the other person in some particular field. More importantly, encouragement should lead us to explore not what is similar about ourselves, but what makes us unique. If you can jump as well or better than Michael Jordan, you have a marvelous gift, and you won't know if you have that gift unless you try. But if each of us could jump like Michael Jordan he would no longer be unique. And isn't that what being an INDIVIDUAL is all about?
On May 26, 2000 a 13-year-old boy shot and killed his teacher. The boy was an honor student. He did not bring the gun to school. He had to go home, get the gun, load it, and return.
An honor student? Yes. He clearly had a high I.Q. But what about his E.Q.? I.Q. measures the ability to solve problems. E.Q. measures emotional maturity.
I'm not going to be drawn into the debate over what we should do about guns. I really don't think that is the issue. Locking up guns or education about guns, in my opinion, solves nothing. Both treat the symptoms, not the disease.
The disease is our feeling that any emotional upset must be responded to by violence. Let's skip over the question of whether we have to respond at all, and focus instead on the question of violence.
Some people have blamed the entertainment industry for the violence of our youth, and it is not my intention to defend them. But, American TV and movies are seen all over the world and there has been no noticeable rise in child violence elsewhere.
Perhaps the problem lies in the examples our children see and hear every day. When "that idiot" in Congress makes his usual moves do we say "somebody ought to take him out and shoot him"? When the car won't start, do we kick it? When Castro acts normally, do we grumble, "We ought to just nuke that jerk and stop this once and for all."?
If our children see and hear violence as the most frequent solution to a problem, maybe that, at least in part, helps to explain why an honor student would shoot a teacher he himself admitted to liking after having been sent home early on the last day of school for throwing a water balloon.
Alvin Rosenfeld, MD coauthor of Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard?
All parents want their children to excel. We spend enormous amounts of time, energy and money to give our children every possible advantage. Many people feel this is "being a good parent." I believe it is harmful to kids and parents alike.
Our emphasis on perfection and perpetual motion is damaging family life. We end up micromanaging our children's lives. This relentless pressure tells our children that we don't think they're good enough they're not trying hard enough they're not pleasing us.
Some key questions.
Athletics:
Is my child playing because he/she loves the game or because he thinks he should?
Is he so exhausted by practices and games that he's too tired to do homework?
Does he have enough free time to spend with friends and family?
Academics:
Do we write or edit our children's homework because we don't trust them to do it right on their own?
Who chooses what school the child will attend from elementary through college?
Are we pushing the child to attend schools based on the prestige of the school rather than on the one that suits him best?
Social Life:
Are we stage-managing our kids' social relationships by manipulating which friends they see?
Know Your Kids As They Really Are
Don't try to create custom kids. Instead, talk and listen to them discover what they like to do, what worries them.
Be supportive. Let them make their own mistakes. Don't put them in physical danger, but give them more opportunities to make decisions, even if they make mistakes. They will learn and feel responsibility for and ownership of their own lives. In tricky or potentially dangerous situations, talk through the options so that your child can come to the best conclusions.
When they do make mistakes or are disappointed or hurt, let them know that you understand. Explain that these experiences are normal and everybody goes through them.
Children need to learn that their actions can have negative consequences. If we rob them of the opportunities to mess up once in a while, they'll never learn to adapt correct and learn from their mistakes and move on.
Tough Times
We all want to protect our children, but doing too much can be a disservice. No matter how much we want to we cannot always be there for them. When tough times do come, we need to stick by them and let them know that we trust their ability to overcome obstacles. Remember childhood is a preparation, not a performance.
Look at the whole child, not just his greatest strength or weakness. Lets say your son is a socially awkward C+ student but he excels on the track team. You want to build his self-esteem. Sure, you want to praise his performance, but focusing on just one aspect of the child's life fosters insecurity. When one trait becomes magnified, it can define the whole person. Your child could see himself as only worthwhile when he's running. Children, like adults, want to be loved completely, the good and the bad not just for one particular talent.
Take time to relax and enjoy each other, instead of rushing through life with our eyes only on one more achievement. Spending time with no goal at all lets children know that we love them for who they are, not for what they can accomplish. And that makes everybody feel better about themselves. BACK TO TOP
HOW TO RAISE A DELINQUENT
In response to the ever-increasing demand for simple methods of turning out thugs, punks, and hoodlums, we offer the following ten-step plan to meet the need for future criminals.
1. Children are impressionable. Never pass up the opportunity to model behavior for them. Let your child see you drunk or stoned frequently. Use profanity and hate language regularly, especially toward those of a different race, religion, or sexuality. When the child mimics your behavior laugh and say how "cute" you think it is.
2. Quarrel violently with your mate in front of the child. This will prevent shock later when the home is broken up and serve as a model for his own relationships later.
3. Let him read, view, or listen to whatever he wishes. Provide his body with only the purest foods, but allow his mind to feed on filth.
4. Avoid the word "wrong" with regard to any behavior on his part. This will help to insure that when he is arrested later he will be convinced that society is conspiring against him.
5. Devalue all religious, political, and educational leaders so that he may better select real heroes like pimps and drug pushers.
6. Give him everything he wants. Never make him work for a reward. Not only is being his buddy far easier than being a parent, but you will also guarantee that he will grow up believing the world owes him a living.
7. Take his part against teachers, neighbors, policemen, etc., even when you know he is wrong. By all means lie, if necessary, to defend him from the consequences of his actions. Remember he is a reflection of you, so they are all prejudiced against him because of his natural superiority.
8. Never listen to any concerns he may wish to express to you. It is vital that he learns as quickly as possible to disregard the feelings of others, and ignoring his needs is the fastest method we have discovered of accomplishing this.
9. Establish an excuse for yourself so that you will not be held responsible for his actions. Among the more popular are "I never could do anything with him" and "It's all his father's (mother's) fault." [For a complete list send a SASE to the address below.]
10. Under no circumstances involve yourself with any community or school related activities. Simply drop him off at the start of kindergarten and pick him up following dropout or grade 12 (whichever occurs first). This enables you to criticize the community and the school for their failure to raise him properly.
We'd love to hear from you. We have lots of time. Please address all comments and questions to.
Remember when your child was born? Of course you do. It was only yesterday. No, it was nine years ago. How time flies. Now think ahead with me. Think ahead nine years. Seems like a long time. But it will pass as quickly as the last nine have. And nine years from now your child will be getting ready to graduate from high school and looking to go to college.
College is so important. It seems like they want you to have a college degree just to pump gas these days, and the experts say it's only going to get worse. The best jobs will demand a college degree. Where will the money come from?
Since 1985, the average family income has increased a whopping 95%. Good news? Not really, because the cost of college tuition in Texas (one of the cheaper states) has increased 450%. Already one year's fees at a Texas public college costs an average of $12,448 dollars and the estimate is that today's newborns will need over $52,000 per year.
Scary isn't it? Well, it doesn't have to be. Despite all the gloomy forecasts there is hope. It's called the Texas Tuition Promise Fund, a prepaid college tuition program that allows you to pay for tomorrow's college at today's prices. The fund provides full coverage for tuition and fees, no matter how much they increase over time, and the sooner you begin, the less it will cost.
The fund is fully guaranteed by the state. No matter what the stock market does, no matter how bad inflation may get, your child is guaranteed an education.
Sounds great doesn't it? But how much does it cost? How about as little as $15 for a year of community, $26 for public college, or $94 for a private university?
Still not convinced? How about this:
1. Not only does the fund pay all fees for colleges in Texas, but if you decide later to send your child to school out-of-state you can transfer every penny of it.
2. You can upgrade or downgrade your contract if your child's needs or your financial situation changes. 3. You can transfer the funds to another child if your child decides not to attend college, gets a scholarship, becomes disabled or dies. You can even get your money back under these circumstances.
4. You can arrange monthly installments through payroll deductions, electronic bank drafts, or payment coupons.
Just last year, a nearby school missed an exemplary rating by two points...in math. So this year they're pushing reading.
Why? Because most educators agree that reading is the key to everything. Remember your own school days? Chances are you could handle the straight math problems at least reasonably well, but oh those word problems! Do I add? Multiply? Divide?
So how do we get them to read?
First, turn off the TV and the computer games. (There really is an "off" button, even if my husband can't seem to find it.) Then have them read. What? Anything! The ingredients on a can of soup, a receipt for the meatloaf you're cooking, an article in a magazine, a comic book. Anything they can be persuaded, cajoled, tricked, enticed, or permitted to read should be encouraged.
One trick that works well much of the time is for you to set aside a time each day when you read to them for a while; then let them read to you. It also works if you have more than one child, let each take a turn. However you do it, please do it.
FACT: Children of "readers" tend to be "readers". Children of "non-readers" tend to be "non-readers".
FACT: Reading ability is the number one predictor of success in students. If you can read, you can learn how to do almost anything, simply by reading how.
If you do nothing else to help you child in school, encourage reading, it can make all the difference no matter what course they follow in later life.
A recent survey by Motley Fool, one of the resources listed at out parent links page and a respect source in the investment community, revealed that nearly 50% of parents said they'd rather talk about sex than money with their kids. (Maybe because the parents know more about sex than they do about money?)
To have the know-how to begin handling money early, children must be taught by their parents. While it would be ideal if the schools handled this for us, as parents, we can never expect others to handle what is ultimately our responsibility.
Some parents believe that their children should be spared the stress of thinking about money. But that attitude can only delay the inevitable and perpetuate the problem.
One problem with this is that many adults don't understand the world of investing themselves, and it's hard to teach what you don't know. Here are a couple of sites that may help. www.kidsmoney.org and www.bigchange.com
Below is another article that may help.
A Six-Year-Old's View of Debt
By Cory Aston
This is a conversation that I had last night with my six-year-old daughter. She came up with it out of the blue, but I thought it was an excellent time to start her on the right path.
Daughter: Papa, where do you get money from?
Me: I work for a company that pays me for writing computer programs.
Daughter: So where do you get credit cards from? Do they come with the wallet when you buy it?
Me: (Laughing) No honey, you have to apply to get a credit card from a bank.
Daughter: So once you get one, you don't need money anymore right?
Me: That's right... you don't have to pay with money at stores anymore. Unfortunately you still have to pay back the credit card company at the end of the month for everything you bought with the card.
Daughter: Why?
Me: Because they are just loaning you the money. When you buy something on a credit card, the bank pays for it first, then you pay back the bank at the end of the month. It is just like if you don't have your allowance money and you want a treat at the store. You borrow the money from Mom to pay for the treat and when you get home you pay her back the money you borrowed. A credit card works the same way. You pay it back by the end of the month or else you have to pay interest charges.
Daughter: What are interest charges?
Me: (Well, if she is old enough to ask, she is old enough to know.) Interest is what the bank charges you for the use of their money. For example, if you bought a Barbie for $10 on a credit card, and didn't pay it off at the end of the month, you might owe $11 at the start of the next month. So how much extra is that?
Daughter: (Showing off her math skills.) That's easy. One dollar.
Me: So the Barbie actually ends up costing you $1 more than the price because of the interest charge.
Daughter: That's not fair!
Me: That's why you always pay credit cards off in full at the end of the month. You know how we always put part of your allowance into a savings account?
Daughter: Yep... that money is for college.
Me: Right! The bank is paying you interest on the money that you have saved so far. Last month you got (quick look at the bank statement here) 25 cents in interest on the money that you have saved!
Daughter: WOW! I won't ever have to work to get money.
Me: Well, you may need to have a little more money than an quarter a month to live on when you grow up.
Daughter: I guess I need to save more then so that I make more in interest!
Me: Sounds like a great plan!
My Wife: (in a very sarcastic voice) You can cover investments once she turns seven. (She always was a smart aleck.)
I found it interesting that even a child can understand that paying extra money for purchases is bad and earning money just for saving money is good.
Too bad it takes adults (especially me) so long to learn this lesson.
There are about as many theories of how to discipline children as there are children. But recent research may have simplified the problem. According to a survey of it's own members conducted by the American Psychiatric Association, the approach (strict or progressive) is secondary to consistency.
Apparently, the children seen most often by these members were kids who complained that Daddy had one set of rules and Mom had another, or alternatively, that the rules changed from day to day without apparent reason. One member put it this way: "Today you can play your music as loud as you want. Tomorrow I'll beat the tar out of you for breathing too loud."
Punishment
While the majority of the group still opposed corporal punishment (spanking), there was general agreement that spanking was a valid tool in some cases. The problem many felt was that too often spanking was used as the only tool.
Those who supported the use of spanking were quick to point out that there was "a world of difference" between a spanking and a beating and expressed no sympathy for those who could not tell the difference.
Evaluating Your Child
General agreement was expressed that the hardest job for parents was to correctly evaluate the child. As one put it, "either Johnny is Albert Einstein or a complete idiot". Their recommendation: Always give the child unconditional love. Make it clear that it is the action that is unacceptable, not the child himself. Low expectations lead the child to believe that he is incapable of doing anything himself. Praise, when unwarranted, can lead to a feeling that he is entitled to rewards without really having to work for it. Easy? Not at all, and the group expressed sympathy for parents and cautioned that they should not "beat themselves up" for failing to do it perfectly.
What's Causing All the Violence?
Despite what you may have heard, the majority of psychologists don't attribute the rise in violence in America to spanking, or TV, or movies, or music or video games. They point out that many other countries use corporal punishment (spanking), see the same movies and TV shows, listen to the same music and play the same video games without experiencing a rise in violent behavior.
Children, they tell us, are quick to discern the difference between fantasy and real violence. They are much more likely to imitate what they see and hear from those they respect. If Daddy is violent, if Mother threatens to "kill' them, if adults talking about "nuking" a country or say that someone they disagree with should be "taken out and shot", kids tend to believe this is proper adult behavior.
Even more importantly, what we do outweighs what we say. As one participant expressed it, "If Daddy says, 'Always tell the truth" then turns around and tells the child who answers the phone 'tell him I'm not here' do I really have to tell you which message the child will absorb?"
Homework can help children learn responsibility while giving them a sense of control and accomplishment. Everybody has their own clock in terms of how long it takes them to do something, so we can only deal in generalities. Further, every teacher and every grade has their own interpretation of the best uses of homework, so what is true for me may not be valid for last year's or next year's teacher.
If your child gets down to work in the "normal" fashion, we can expect him/her to take about 45 minutes each day to accomplish the tasks assigned. That's 45 minutes of actually work. We're not counting time spent in daydreaming, going to the bathroom, getting a drink, or any of the other delaying tactics that some are so good at.
On the other hand, some students are of the get-it-over-as-quickly-as-possible school of thought. These students may finish in considerably less time. The trick here is to distinguish between those who merely get it done and those who get it done right.
If your child is really working for much more than 45 minutes, we may have a problem, and it should be brought to the attention of the teacher. If your child is finishing in considerably less than 45 minutes you need to check to make sure s/he is making an real effort.
Go over your child's homework after they have completed it.Mistakes are OK, and we certainly don't want you doing the work for him, but most of the time you can tell the difference between honest mistakes and just putting down whatever comes to mind. It's also a good idea to look over your child's paper once the teacher has returned it.
Other articles on these pages talk about such things as getting organized, but if you still have concerns, please feel free to contact me by phone or email.
Some key questions. 
